nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
