If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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