Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
