I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
two words: eviction party
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
