you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
