Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i barfeds in our rink
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
