wrigley field is MILF paradise
This is not my ceiling
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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