He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
