my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
