Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
