Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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