Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
