i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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