PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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