come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
