please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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