dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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