is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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