So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
