he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
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I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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