Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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