we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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