I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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