She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
