I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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