We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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