I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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