You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize