I think i peed on brittanys purse
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
