Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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