my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
