Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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