Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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