We're like a lot better than the average bears
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
