I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
