Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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