peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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