That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
