Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
