Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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