My nipple is on Facebook.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
