I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
no you cant smoke seaweed
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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