Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
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Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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