i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
