I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
