I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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