She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
