An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
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