Where are you?
In a non slutty way
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
