I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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