I need help removing her.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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