this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
