I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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