Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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