Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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