well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
