I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
