i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
