i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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