I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
