There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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