Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
