My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
even my farts smell like vagina
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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