We're like a lot better than the average bears
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
