the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
