youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
