What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
